Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Feelings that influence

As many of you know I am just returning home from Missouri. It was so liberating to return, I haven't been back since Feb. 08' when I left my exhusband due to many reasons unknown to most people.

As I pulled up to my Missouri home, past feelings of the state of mind I was in when I left flooded my mind. The past two years have been such a growing experience and it feels so liberating to be in the place I am now. It was a type of healing that I didn't realize I needed until I finally went back.

It wasn't hard to pull away for the last time, I was there because I take over the next 6 months to list and sell the property per the divorce decree, the last six months was in the care of my ex husband and I was shocked at how run down and battered the home and property was in. I remember how it used to be though... lots of extended family, a garden of plenty, the beautiful land etc. that now were weeded over, run down, and bitter.

I did run into some old friends, and family...

I have pondered on the response of those who were friendly with hugs and smiles and others who were cold, bitter and full of hurt and blame. How grateful I am for my personal awareness of where I am now and for what reasons I left in the first place...it's interesting to see those who dwell on thoughts of thinking they have the ANSWERS because of what they've heard, and what the eyes witnessed not knowing the full situation.

Sunday I read an interesting quote that can calm the unknown details of any situation, what a great reminder to ALL...

...While one portion of the human race is judging and condemning the other without mercy, the Great Parent of the universe looks upon the whole of the human family with a fatherly care and paternal regard; He views them as His offspring, and without any of those contracted feelings that influence the children of men,....etc.

We sometimes get wrapped up in other peoples stories...
with what I have experienced, I want to be more careful because I know first hand at what looks like all knowing on the outside is not always the case with what is actually the truth.

What I KNOW is that I now love being in this life that FEELS so amazing. My nights of tear filled eyes have been replaced with HAPPINESS and as a blessing I am with someone who I feel cherishes me and my children...


"Good bye" to my Missouri Place ... what a growing journey it has been!!!

5 comments:

Staci said...

Wow thank you Kelli for sharing your journey back to MO. I haven't been back there in almost 6 yrs :S. I guess you can say I know what you are talking about when you feel that you were judged by those back there that didn't know the whole truth of what you were going through. I at first was a lil taken back by the whole situation seeing how the last time I saw you, you were married and happy. But I also do know that no one can ever truely know how you feel and what you are going through in life but YOU! You are amazing and strong for doing what made you feel happy and I admire you so much for that. I may never fully understand but I don't need to...I just see how happy and beautiful you are now and that is all that matters!

Anonymous said...

Thanks for the inspirational message. You are amazing and I miss you in AZ!

Anonymous said...

We really miss you and your family in AZ. I am glad I got to know you for a short time. I will tell you this...In the that little bit of time you really influenced me. From the calm manner you have with your children...to the happiness that beans from them. And from the many times I was able to hear you give lessons and talk. I think you are an amazing person. I am happy that you are happy. Casey really misses Spencer and I'm glad they were able to go on this trip together!

Lorri said...

You are one courageous women. I'm so glad that you have done what makes you happy. I admire and look up to you.

Lorri said...

It's interesting in life that when someone says "I love you" and then passes judgement on you, it has you feel unloved. Is it really possible to love someone and judge them? I would imagine that the hardest thing for you is recognizing those who spoke love, but don't show it and the most special thing you have is all those who have you feel loved and don't even have to speak. I am excited for your new life you have co-created. You are a special girl with extraordinary possiblilites and you have a magnificent way in which you help others improve their lives when they get to know you. Love-BTC